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Translated by Ollie Richardson & Angelina Siard


YOU’LL COLLAPSE RIGHT NOW! The Cabinet of Ministers approved a set of products for Ukrainians. There are also services and products, but here I give only goods.

Minimum set of objects for basic necessities, toiletries, and medicines

For men:

  • One winter jacket for 3 years;
  • One sweater for 3 years;
  • One pair of jeans for 3 years;
  • Five pairs of boxers for 1.5 years;
  • One pair of swimming trunks for 4 years;
  • One razor for 3 years;
  • One tie for 5 years;
  • One pair of sneakers for 3 years;

For women:

  • One coat for 7 years;
  • One jacket with polyester padding for 5 years;
  • Two dresses for 7 years;
  • One pair of trousers for 4 years;
  • One sweater for 3 years;
  • One skirt for 4 years;
  • Six pairs of underpants for a year (for a woman who lost her ability to work it is specified that she can have six pairs of underwear for 2 years, why?);
  • One-piece swimsuit for 4 years;
  • One hat/scarf for 4 years;
  • One pair of winter boots for 3 years;
  • One pair of summer shoes for 2 years;

For all:

  • Two packages of shampoo, 250 grams for 2 years;
  • Twelve rolls of toilet paper for 1 year (you eat less – you sh*t less);
  • Thirty tablets of aspirin for a year;
  • Ten tablets of Valerian for a year.
  • 25ml of iodine for a year.
  • Two plates for 3 years;
  • One washing machine for 15 years (no modern washing machine works for that long);
  • One iron for 9 years (Mine broke down after a year, if I understand it well I have to go out with creases?);

And the cherry on the cake, in ONE YEAR you can buy only 6 books and visit 6 cultural institutions. Why do free owners of the world have to read books and educate themselves? Pfft.

But they did not spare soap for the people. There are still stools there. We just need to add rope and it will be complete “glory to Ukraine, glory to heroes”.

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