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Translated by Ollie Richardson & Angelina Siard


When the imposing Ukrainian delegation was brought inside, Trump rose from his seat and firmly shook Klimkin’s hand, without paying attention to the others:

“I am very glad to see you, Mr. President! How was the journey?”

Klimkin understood that he was just appointed the head of Ukraine and was already going was a kick out the dumbfounded Poroshenko from the room, but Trump’s assistant whispered something into the ear of the chief.

“But what’s the difference?” Trump frowned, however he snatched his hand away from happy Klimkin, having stretched it out Petro Poroshenko.

The latter gently shook his hand, only just stopping himself from kissing it, and said with a trembling voice:

“I am very proud, Mr Presi…”

“It is very very good, Mr … e-e-e … the Poroshenko,” interrupted Trump, impatiently looking at his watch. “I will immediately tell you: I won’t give you money, but a selfie — of course. By the way, how are things in… e-e-e … the Ukraine? Everything is normal? Fishing for the crocodile is going well, the coco is growing? It is very very good.”

After a joint photo, Trump asked to organize a briefing for Poroshenko, thanked him for a very very good meeting, and left the room.

…The Poroshenko stood alone at a little table behind the fencing of the White House and delivered a speech, periodically showing with his hand to the left and saying: “And my friend, Mr US President, is also aware”, although nobody was neither on the left, nor on the right.

Three police officers, a group of Japanese tourists, and some Rastafarians from Jamaica who gathered at the fencing of the White house listened with interest to Poroshenko, and periodically approvingly clapped, probably, believing that it is such standup with pantomime.

He desire to eat was strong. “And Xi already at this time was greedily eating the second portion of flounder, stewed in champagne…,” drearily thought Poroshenko, furtively looked at his watch, swallowing treacherous saliva. Counting on a plentiful solemn lunch, he didn’t have supper and even breakfast.

Having finished his speech, he turned to face the White House, and shouted in its direction: “No, no! Don’t see me off, I don’t like farewells and tears!”, after which he sat down in a leased limousine and left for the airport.

…The film editors of the Channel Five quickly superimposed the US President standing at the little table with Poroshenko, and released the report onto the Ukrainian air.

It turned out to be very impressive and convincing: Poroshenko was solemnly reading his speech against the background of the White House, and stood near him was Benjamin Franklin, who approvingly nodded at every word he said, saying: “It is. You are correct, Petro!”

The film editors of Channel Five sincerely believed that the US President is the one who is now drawn on the hundred-dollar bill. For this all of them were later lustrated and sent to reclaim Donetsk airport.

…And in general the historical meeting of two great leaders took place very very successfully, about which the leading Ukrainian media was in a hurry to report about.

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