“Dominant Poroshenko, Confused Putin”

Translated by Ollie Richardson & Angelina Siard



I haven’t had such fun in a long time. Comrades from the enemy’s rear sent me an article about the recent negotiations in the “Normandy format”, published on the website of “liga.net”. I was laughing wildly.

Let me remind you that this website stubbornly worked for Euromaidan from the very first days of its existence (not surprising considering its owners), and even threatened me with court for “publishing false information about their solid business outlet”. But I didn’t end up in court, but all my words about them were not only true, but even an understatement.

And three years later this miserable site is still stubbornly working for Poroshenko, carefully licking his greasy and loose behind. But I mustn’t get greedy, and let everyone enjoy this example of propaganda-lackey art.

The whole ode to the courage of Porky can be read here, but I will give just a few selected pearls, accompanied by my comments. This masterpiece is written by a certain Petro Shuklinov – the country must know its asslickers.

But before you read this composition, you need to see the whining of the author that the Ukrainian delegation did not give him information at the time, so “Ukraine is losing the battle for minds”. That is, in reality, Shuklinov is whining that everything is bad, but in his works he tries to pretend it is victory.

“How we lose to Moscow in the information sphere. Immediately after the talks in Berlin, members of the Russian delegation leaked to journalists a lot of details about the negotiations from the group Lavrov/Putin/Surkov. Today, from the morning, in Russia, articles appeared where Poroshenko presented in a ridiculous way. According to Russian sources from the talks, the Ukrainian President looked bad, he was constantly reassured by Merkel, everything collapsed because of the intransigence of the Ukrainian President, and the trio inclined him to compromise. And why can’t you read about it on the Ukrainian sites from the position of the Ukrainian delegation? Because none of the Ukrainian delegation did not consider it necessary to speak with journalists, quickly transmit a picture from the negotiations behind closed doors. Russians do it very well. And ours, even from the third day works on the principle “we come back to Kiev, will gather off-records, will give information.” Yes, you’ll give when it already is worthless – in a few days. And how to reach out to the authorities, how to explain why it is important to outplay Russia in the media, get ahead, outpace  – I don’t know. How to explain that the war for hearts and minds is no less important than physical war or defending the interests of Ukraine in negotiations.”

And now, enjoy…

Shuklinov: At the quadripartite talks in Berlin on 19th October the Russians arrived in five planes – the size of the delegation was unprecedented. All of the Ukrainian one, for example, can be contained in one plane for 30 people.

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Rogers: The usual delegation. It’s not all who are rogue like the proto-ukies.

Shuklinov: In the Russian media there is a long-held belief that the Russian President never eats anything without his personal specialists evaluating the dishes.

Rogers: You’ve read this? Personally, I have not.

Shuklinov: all this huge delegation arrived from Moscow with one aim: to not give a reason to intensify sanctions against Russia, which will be reviewed in December, and try to mitigate them in terms of access to Western lending.

Rogers: Well, the “aim” was invented by Shuklinov, this is understandable, but why was there a need for so people – this is from the domain of Ukrainian logic, which is not available to me.

Shuklinov: at the same time – to please Angela Merkel, who personally repeatedly asked the Russian President to come.

Rogers: Why would he want to please her? She is already a downed pilot, which her own party is going to remove. Including for the loss of several local elections because of the unpopularity of Merkel in Germany.

Shuklinov: President of Ukraine had to raise his voice over Putin when he tried to interrupt him, affirms Poroshenko’s entourage.

Rogers: You had to write “to aggressively shout” or “to put in his place”, it would be even funnier.

Shuklinov: All the media’s attention is on Vladimir Putin. For many colleagues this meeting was one of the few opportunities to update the photo collection of the Russian leader, who is now rarely seen in Europe.

Rogers: Really? Duct tape works? Maybe I should list the recent foreign visits of Putin, clown?

Shuklinov: And there is the opinion that Hollande made the gesture deliberately, under pressure from the French media and leading opinions, for many of which Putin represents, primarily, a war criminal due to the events in Syria.

Rogers: May I have a list of such media and “leading opinions”? Preferably with citations. No? I thought so.

Shuklinov: Putin can count at the negotiating table in Berlin only on the support of his subordinates – Sergei Lavrov and Vladislav Surkov, who were sat on either side of him. He was joking with them, whispered, tried to look relaxed and confident. But the sides of the Ukrainian delegation affirms: it was not very convincing.

Rogers: of Course, because near him there was severe Poroshenko, who constantly shouted at him. Haha

Shuklinov: And from the very beginning, the conversation stalled. Putin rejected all that was offered by the Ukrainian side. Ukraine refuted all that was offered by Russia. Propositions related mainly to the road map – the Ukrainian idea, which aims, on the one hand, to clearly define the deadlines for each item of the Minsk agreement, and on the other – to bind to Minsk the guarantees of the fulfilment of these paragraphs by Russia.

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Rogers: 1: Russia is not a party to the Minsk agreements. 2: The guarantees of fulfilment were demanded from Poroshenko, who regularly breaks them.

Shuklinov: Voters in Ukraine simply will not understand unilateral steps and all this will end in a new political crisis.

Rogers: Not “voter” but “Nazi fighters”.

Shuklinov: Putin pretended that he does not understand this and continued to insist on elections, special status, amnesty – without any guarantees from Moscow on a ceasefire, withdrawal of troops, and the transfer of border control to Ukraine.

Rogers: it’s impossible to withdraw something that does not exist. To do this, Putin would have to use the same drugs as members of the Kiev junta, but he leads a healthy lifestyle. And to place the border under their control is the wet dream of the Nazi regime of Poroshenko, which cannot materialise. Because the border is the 14th item of the Minsk agreements, and Porky can’t even the first one.

Shuklinov: Putin tried to interrupt Poroshenko’s remark on the need to implement the political part of Minsk. Poroshenko raised his voice: “No, you just need to stop shooting!”

Rogers: And here I was simply howling with laughter.

Shuklinov: Putin needs by all means to obtain an opening in terms of access to Western credits to refinance Russian debt.

Rogers: What debt?! You employ journalists that are drug addicts and invent nonsense.

Shuklinov: The behavior of Poroshenko is contrary to the information from Russian journalists. The next day after the meeting, they published information where they describe the President of Ukraine as an unsure and bewildered participant in the meeting. The Ukrainian delegation denies it. Even though they acknowledge that periodically Poroshenko “lost his temper”.

Rogers: Porky in a rage is a terrible sight. He grunts and stomps a hoof?

Shuklinov: At some point Merkel could not resist and interrupted Putin, switching to the Russian language: “Vladimir, let’s talk constructively!”

Rogers: And did she crack her whip?

Shuklinov: Merkel allegedly said to Putin: “Vladimir, we already have Aleppo. And here you want to repeat it?”

Rogers: The word “allegedly” is good. It very accurately describes all these inventions. Although to repeat Aleppo in Ukraine is a good idea. Another cauldron will not be too much for the Nazis.

Shuklinov: Everyone started to get up from the table. Some of the leaders went into the restroom, Ukrainian Foreign Minister Pavel Klimkin stepped aside to chat with a German colleague, Steinmeier. The German Chancellor spoke with the President of Ukraine. Lavrov and Surkov were speaking between them about something.

Shuklinov: Putin knowingly refused to answer the journalists’ questions, limiting himself to a short speech. In fact, he had nothing to say.

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Rogers: Well, it’s impossible for him to repeat all the time the phrase of Lavrov “f****** morons”.

Shuklinov: One of the members of the Ukrainian delegation who was sat at the negotiation table, described the need of the meeting as follows: “We looked into the eyes of the enemy. It was the main aim. And the Germans and the French showed themselves to be partners of Ukraine. Merkel showed herself very well. Even though the meeting did not give a real breakthrough – in principle, it wasn’t expected – we returned Putin to the Normandy format”.

Rogers: Return Putin to maidowns! They can’t live without him.

Shuklinov: In short, the position of Ukraine in the negotiations was the following: without a ceasefire, without the OSCE mission on the border (surveillance along the entire border 24 hours a day, CCTV and warehouses for arms), without the liberation of the hostages = no elections and other progress on the political part.

Rogers: But who doesn’t stop firing? Tell me, what’s his name? Po…ro…shen…ko…

Shuklinov: “Close the border. Disarm yourself. Place the Ukrainian flag in Donetsk and Lugansk. It is then at this time we will talk with pleasure about what day we will appoint elections,” said a Ukrainian high-ranking source.

Rogers: Here you need to remain reserved and without cursing. In order to put up your gay, urine-rag, you should fulfil a little thing – to win. But you can’t because you’re cowards. Therefore, shove your Nazi wishlist in the place that you regularly Euro-integrate.

Shuklinov: The diplomat assures: “Even the draft law on elections to the Rada – it doesn’t mean anything. Ok, even if we vote for something – then it will be necessary to determine the date. Then it means we have to wait until the mission of security arrives and is deployed. And only then – if all is as planned – will elections will be held there.”

Rogers: And here is how gentle junta members admit that they are not going to fulfil the Minsk agreement. Not really hiding it.

Little lackey Petro Shuklinov wrote all this opus without even leaving Kiev. And, of course, without communicating with anyone. Simply sitting in the office, picking his nose. Like the rest of his article.

I am confident that this slave, such dishlicking composition is impossible to write for any money. Petro Shuklinov writes FOR FOOD. They chained him to the computer, and do not feed him until he writes. Because it is impossible to be so delirious and  voluntarily slavish.

However I, of course, laughed copiously. “The dominant Poroshenko and confused Putin”.

But just when Syria was discussed (and it was discussed a lot more than Ukraine), Porky was habitually pushed out the door so that his grunting and begging did not distract the adults.

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