Iranian Symphony

Tonight [night of January 7th – ed] I did a text broadcast of what happened in Iran/Iraq/USA, collecting data from all available sources in the newsfeed.

And I can tell you: the Iranians did everything just impeccably. It thought over every little detail.

Part one: Symphony

Firstly, they launched their missile attack at precisely 1:20 p.m., exactly five days after the assassination of General Soleimani.

Secondly, the choice of targets was also not a coincidence – all three struck bases are somehow connected to the murder of the General.

Thirdly, during the course of the airstrikes, the Iranian military stated that “If you dare respond to our shelling, we will destroy Dubai and Haifa.”

The choice of targets was thought out – these are the key allies of the United States in the region.

In fact, they mirrored Trump, who stated “If you dare respond to the General’s murder, we will hit your cultural sites.”

Trump was trampled.

Further, the timing of the strikes was also thought out. After the first wave of missiles, the Americans in the Pentagon started to bleat “we will definitely respond”, and ten minutes after that, a second wave of missiles were fired at the third base.

Such a non-imposing “just dare to say something else”.

All of this was accompanied by outright gloating from the Iranians in the information space, which is called “Shock and Awe” (an American military doctrine that military action must be accompanied by informational-psychological superiority).

And as soon as the airstrikes ended, the procedure for the solemn funeral of General Soleimani started in Iran. Beautifully. It’s as if all those missile salvos were a salute in his honour. The coolest funeral in my memory. The Iranians actually gave birth to a legend of epic scale.

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After that, the Iranian Ministry of Foreign Affairs stated “Iran took & concluded proportionate measures in self-defense under Article 51 of UN Charter targeting base from which cowardly armed attack against our citizens & senior officials were launched. We do not seek escalation or war, but will defend ourselves against any aggression”.


Part two: “Allies”

NATO demonstrated unparalleled unity and courage in the course of its actions [sarcasm -ed].

Turkey, under the threat of a blockade, banned the Americans from using the Incirlik base for military action against Iran.

France capitulated just in case (I joke, they simply closed their airspace to military aircraft).

Israel said “We have nothing to do with it” and “the US must exit its confrontation with Iran by itself.”

The others just pretended to be bystanders. Germany kind of even started evacuating its military from Iraq. And the British focused on “Brexit” and the problems of the world economy.

Later, the European Union called on Iran and the United States to “refrain from the further use of force”.

As is said, “Unity makes strength”.

Part three: Big commotion in little Washington

Now let’s look at what happened in the White House.

Trump first convened an emergency meeting with Pompeo and Esper (head of the Pentagon).

Reports emerged that the White House was preparing an address to the nation. Then the Press Secretary of the President came out and said that the president will not be making an address, and that other officials won’t say anything either.

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Although the Speaker of the Lower House of Congress, Nancy Pelosi, and some other Democrats still stated that “The world cannot afford war”.

And in some American media outlets articles “We will not point the finger, but it is Pompeo’s fault” suddenly began to appear.

Apparently, Trump drank alcohol in the Oval Office with three others, and rather a lot was consumed, because he posted a completely crazy tweet.

“All is well, dear marchioness! We’re counting the losses, but for now, it’s all great. The US military is the strongest, and they [Iran – ed] didn’t strike us down at all. I will try to come up with a cover story by tomorrow as to why it is a victory.”

After that, Trump, judging by the White House protocol records, frantically tried to call someone, but at such a time of the day only Merkel and the Qataris answered. Both Angela and the comrades on camels palmed him off with common words about commitment to peace.

In general, the US coalition is not growing, and it is very unclear how Trump intends to get out of the situation.

I went to the channels of Republican propagandists who posted the day prior, “We will bend and snap Iran, Donnie is the best!”. There is silence, frustration and confusion – it is unclear what to post next.

The Iranians say 80 Americans died. Washington says none died. Journalists in the region give a figure of 22 (and if there are three times as many wounded as usual, then the figure becomes plausible).

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As Cardinal Richelieu said in my favourite cartoon, “And how to push this story further?”.

The hegemon didn’t just shatter. It burst like Piglet’s balloon.

Aleksandr Rodgers

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