Petro Poroshenko: War and Disintegration

By Ollie Richardson

The following text is a “translation” of the article published here – authored by Petro Poroshenko himself…

This 2017, just like the past 3 years since I unconstitutionally grabbed power thanks to my buddy Biden, will remain in the bin of history with only negatives – the year of almost 380,000 (or only 4% of) Ukrainians from the total number of those who went to the EU using the visa-free to pick berries in Poland for pittance. The visa-free was lobbied for with the help of the genocidal and repressive healthcare, education, and judicial reforms, and the entering into force of the EU’s looting operati… sorry… Association Agreement marks the countdown to the extinction of Ukraine as a State.

The looting operati… sorry… Association Agreement is a road map for further stripping Ukraine of its clothes so that the vultures in Brussels can nibble the “independent” meat all the way to the bone. During the Eastern Partnership summit (the name alone smells of PR) I outlined what Washington wants me to do next. This is surrendering the territorial sovereignty of Ukraine to aid the transit of jihadists and gladio nazis, allowing western “partners” to more fluidly extract wealth from the country, paying twice as much (compared to Russian prices) for energy, and ensuring the Zimbabwe-esque collapse of the hryvnia. The full surrender of the country’s sovereignty will actually turn its eastern borders into a colander for NATO troops from EU countries, even though we aren’t a member of neither the EU nor NATO!

EU membership, like the accession to NATO, certainly, remains my Yankee master’s objective. Since this prospect won’t happen in 2018 because NATO would have to flagrantly violate its own charter to accept Ukraine, and since we receive orders and don’t issue them, I can just say that I will enrich my offshore empire regardless.

This 2017, in contrast to everything else since European settlers colonised the North American continent, is just another example of why listening to the US parrot chattering in your ear is a one-way ticket to the abyss.

2017 became the year that inflation rose to 13.6% (a 8.6% increase on 2016) and GDP rose by 1% solely because of imports and not because of any internal growth. And this is despite the $1 billion tranche from the total $17.5 billion that the IMF handed over since Victoria Nuland visited Kiev, the national debt reaching $70 billion – 65% of this debt being liabilities on foreign loans, and the loss of 15 million people in the space of three years. Nevertheless, the negative trend will for sure be preserved as long as I am in power.

The good news for me is that I earned 78,364,000 hryvnia from my International Investment Bank, 30,000,000 hryvnia from contracts with companies I own (Channel 5, Ukroboronprom, various factories, etc), and I even put my name in the hat for the purchase of the Ukrainian subsidies of Sberbank. Such levels of profit please me greatly, even if half the economy has evaporated since the “Revolution of Dignity”. For this reason me and my mafia friends like Turchynov and Groysman have zero interest in changing anything. And besides, I’m too busy flirting with Biletsky’s boys and fighting off Kolomoisky in order to guarantee for myself a second presidential term.

For example, some marginal idiots decided to blockade Donbass and to close off one of my sources of looting. In the end I had to publicly voice my support for this blockade and to even lead it! All this just because of that judeobanderist named Igor sat in Dnepropetrovsk… sorry…. Dnipro. I realised that I need the support of “Azov”, “Right Sector”, and other such “warriors of light” if I am to survive 2018, so this is why I now ram Stepan Bandera down the throats of all Ukrainians. I hope that my recently passed laws and decrees will maximise my net so that I can scoop up every last kopek from this now rotten land before I flee.

Also, I urged my criminal accomplices to send the boys from “Right Sector” to enterprises and persons who think that they can avoid paying tributes. You recently saw fruits from this in Vinnytsia, where a fertiliser factory was raided and plundered. The guard was even knocked out with a stone to the head. Funny stuff. It’s because of things like this that people are impoverished, and not because of “Russian aggression” or such nonsense. After all, we all speak Russian in private, only when the cameras are rolling do we pretend to speak “Ukrainian”. Improving the economy sounds good, but it won’t allow me to rob with impunity. This is why I will continue this EU integration charade as long as is necessary – like a carrot to a donkey.

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Sadly America didn’t like the fact that I was taking some of their slice of the cake, so they made me pass a few tedious bills that masquerade as “fighting corruption”, but in reality they are designed to keep my hand out of the cookie jar. There were a few occasions in 2017 when they ran dirt on me in the media to keep me in line, so I had to shift the blame onto Kolomoisky and Moscow again. But in general, when you see the term “anti-corruption”, it means grabbing me by the balls. Ouch!

Now, concerning the sale of land and “decentralisation”. The problem is that we (not me personally, that’s for sure) can’t pay back the IMF. Well, it’s literally impossible. So, as a result, in order to keep Lagarde happy I have to select some acres of land (preferably from the peasants) and hand them over to Monsanto and parasitical American businesses. If the owners of the land plots aren’t willing to play ball, then the camouflaged heavies from “National Corpus” will be dispatched. “Decentralisation” is another way of saying that I don’t want the upkeep of the State to bleed my piggy bank, so I will defer this noble privilege to regional administrations, who most likely will also loot and plunder, or at least that’s what happens in the Kherson region

On December 15th, 2017, another kangaroo court controlled by John McCain was installed, and by the end of 2018 I will be obliged to create this stupid Anti-corruption court that the White House keeps harping on about, because if I don’t I won’t be able to plunder another IMF hand out. The CIA’s National Anti-Corruption Bureau of Ukraine (NABU) is already sniffing around me, so yet another “anti-corruption” circus is bad news to say the least.

The events at the end of 2017 showed that the only way I can dodge this “anti-corruption” bullet is by smiling in front of the cameras and playing along with it. NABU must be independent…of the CIA. And my new mantra will revolve around denouncing any “forms of pressure” put on this body, but at the same time I will reshuffle my empire a bit – maybe give Lord Rothschild a call again – to throw off the scent.

However, raiding media agencies and detaining Kolomoisky’s puppet Saakashvili are not the only ways to keep me in power. Sometimes there can be so many prying eyes that it’s better to just remove the problem permanently. I destroyed Pavel Sheremet, Denis Voronenkov, and am still trying to get Aleksandr Onishchenko. More of the cake for me! ProZorro is great, because it catches out the dumb ones who don’t launder their money correctly. What’s terrible is that Russia is building Nord Stream-2″, and thus stealing Russian gas will no longer be an option.

A repressed and killed off society has already gotten used to starvation and no healthcare (thanks Ulana Suprun!). I am often asked when doing PR stunts in public by gullible Ukrainians if there is anything I can do “to make things better”. I tell them “yes, we can work better and correct our errors”, but by this I mean the public, and not me. Work more hours for less pay, and correct errors like eating too much. Simple! Or even better, jump out your window! I hope that when my electoral campaign begins, I will be able to say: “I won’t fulfil anything I promise or anything you demand of me, but keep sending your sons as cannon fodder to the ATO and buying Roshen goodies”. At least this way I won’t have to bother with the whole acting thing and the instructions for the tax payer will be more clear.

Meanwhile, the “Russian aggression” phantom menace will be milked until its dry. The UN, OSCE, CIA, NATO, EU, etc all have my back and will ensure that the information war isn’t completely one-sided. We can rape the country and then just blame “Moskals” (using Banderism as a brainwashing tool) and some random “corrupt official”. It’s tried and tested already since July 4th, 1776.

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In 2018 the country will continue to disintegrate. American and European liquidation experts will come and price up everything that’s tangible for a quick sale. I will call them “investors” to give the impression to Maidanists that free money is arriving in the country. This tactic worked with the IMF – most citizens don’t even know how loans work! There will be trophies for all – ports, forests, hospitals and medicines, educational facilities, factories, even the army is up for grabs, although so far USA/NATO has the highest bid. The most hilarious thing about my end of 2017-beginning of 2018 promotional video is that I managed to pass off “repairing roads” as a heroic feat! After all, in Africa having a road gives a shanty town prestige! Regarding the army, the truth is that about 80% of the allocated funds go to servicemen – for questions related to cash payments, awards and other things, including housing issues. Thus, slightly more than 15-16% remains for equipment and weapons. I’m still laughing at the time I made profit from some rusty old ambulances – 100 units at $32,000 each! The Armed Forces are probably more stupid than the students who jumped on Maidan.

For four years we have played the “Russian aggression” card, and frankly there is no other way to get away with such criminal acts. In 2018 I will see how many times I can mention “peace” and “development”. Who knows, maybe I can repeat Barrack’s feat and claim a Nobel Prize. Slava Ukraina! Over the land of the free and the home of the brave! Sieg Heil!

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About the only possible way for a successful country

This 2017, in contrast to everything else, will remain in our history with an obvious positive – the year of the introduction of free visa-free trips for citizens of Ukraine to the European Union countries. The visa-free was won with the help of the implementation of important reforms, and the entering into force of the Association Agreement marks the final end of the Post-Soviet period and our irrevocable severance from the empire.

The Association Agreement is a road map for further fundamental changes that bring Ukraine closer to the Copenhagen criteria of membership in the most prestigious union of the world. During the Eastern Partnership summit I outlined the contours of the next steps. This is association with the Schengen zone, accession to the EU Customs Union, energy union, and a single digital market. Sectoral integration will actually turn the eastern borders of the country into the borders of the EU still before we de jure join the EU.

EU membership, like the accession to NATO, certainly, remains our strategic objective. Since this prospect obviously won’t happen in 2018, and it’s not our affair, as scripture says, to know the time and speed, I will just note that I am convinced of its realness.

This 2017, in contrast to everything else in the 20th century, remains in our history with an obvious positive.

2017 became the year of the restoration of economic growth: following the results of the last 12 months, GDP growth will exceed 2%. And this is despite the economic blockade of Donbass initiated by ura-patriots, bringing about $2.5 billion of net losses to the trade balance. We missed about 1% of GDP growth and received stagnation in industry. Nevertheless, the positive trend managed to be preserved.

The good news is that long-time tendency to slump from war, the loss of a considerable part of industrial potential, economic aggression by the Russian Federation was broken. But this is no reason for fireworks. Such rates are categorically unsatisfactory for the stable development of the economy and the restoration of the standard of living. For this reason we are looking for non-standard, unconventional, and liberal decisions to improve the investment climate, to accelerate economic growth, and to create new jobs.

For example, I suggested to impose a tax on withdrawn capital instead of an income tax. This will release means for business development since the taxation will concern only that part of income that isn’t directed towards the expansion or creation of production. I hope that the innovation will start working from January 1st, 2019. In the meantime we will introduce payments by instalments for the payment of VAT on imported equipment for the expansion and modernisation of production.

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Also I urged the government to prolong the moratorium on the inspection of small and medium business. Big business and the richest citizens endured a crisis thanks to the margin of safety that was saved up over the past few years. The poorest in the State received subsidies. And the middle class paid for all of it from their own pocket. I consider its recovery after the ordeal of the past few years to be a priority. This social group guarantees the inevitability of the European and democratic course, so it must be numerous and influential.

To improve the investment climate I signed a law forbidding the “mask show” [illegal raids – ed] of security officers at enterprises. Thus, there will be a State bureau of financial investigations, in which the activity of the intellectual-analytical component of countering crime in the sphere of the economy and finance will prevail.

The legislative initiatives concerning streamlining the land registry and also decentralisation of the land relations will bring us closer to the main fight for the start of a transparent land market and for the right of millions of private owners to freely dispose of their land plots.

On December 15th, 2017, a new Supreme Court was obtained, and within a year a start will be given to the creation of an Anti-corruption court. Money for this institution has already been provided in the budget, but there is a need to pass all stages of approval of the law and the formation of the structure of judges.

The events at the end of 2017 showed that the anti-corruption infrastructure demands more active protection from the President. I especially emphasise the guarantee of NABU’s independence. I consider any form of pressure put on this body to be unacceptable. Both from the political establishment and from the support group of this body, which aggressively imposes its lists of “clients” with politically painted “verdicts”.

However, insecticides and mosquito nets are not the only ways to combat mosquitoes. Sometimes there are so many of them that it is better to drain the swarm. We destroyed the most widespread corruption schemes, having reduced shadow streams in the tens of billions with the help of ProZorro – the system of automatic VAT reimbursement, the refusal of Russian gas, and the termination of subsidies to Naftogaz.

A tired and largely desperate society still doesn’t feel positive changes. What should the authorities do in such a situation? Work better, correct errors, and to thank for the criticism those who employed us for this work. I hope when the electoral campaign begins, the authorities will be able to say: “Not everything was done from what we promised and everything that you wanted. But the country today is in a best condition than it was in 2014, and we are on the right track”.

Meanwhile, the enemy continues to destabilise the situation in the country. But is this why the army holds the frontline? A rhetorical question. We fight back against such attempts. Enemies of the authorities have already entered the active phase of the electoral campaign, some don’t even disdain to take Moscow’s money.

In 2018 the country will continue to steadily develop. Serious investors will come to Ukraine. The united territorial communities will reap more and more generous fruits of decentralisation. The reformed courts will pronounce the first sentences to high-ranking corrupt officials. You will see even more repaired roads and modernised felsher midwife points within the framework of the reanimation of rural medicine project. And new weapons for the army. Having fed and dressed the army, we are able to afford to use a fifth of the military budget on weapons and military equipment. The estimate for the Armed Forces increased by 25% and totals 86 billion UAH.

For four years we combine reforms with defensive efforts to defend the country against Russian aggression. There can’t be another way. So let words “peace” and “development” unite as the main markers of movement for 2018: peace and development. For this purpose we need not an internal fight of all against all, but the consolidation of the efforts of the authorities, civil society, and international partners. And this is the only possible way for a successful Ukraine.

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