Vladimir Kornilov: “They’re Everywhere” – The Kremlin “Shutdown” the Mobile Phone of a British Kremlinologist

Translated by Ollie Richardson & Angelina Siard



Historians to this day dispute whether the former Secretary of Defence of the US James Forrestal shouted “Russians are coming!” before jumping out of the window of a mental hospital. His biographers categorically deny this: according to them, this historical anecdote is used to exaggerate the level of anti-Russian paranoia reigning in the West during the years of the cold war.

Maybe it is indeed an exaggeration. But when future historians, studying our period, will start evaluating the level of the present anti-Russian paranoia, they won’t even need to especially dispute. At least because “Russians are coming!” is now shouted from the pages of the leading western newspapers.

For example, the heart-breaking story about the artful attack of Russians against the British kremlinologist Edward Lucas – who in the rating of the world’s russophobes made by RT last year took an honourable fifth place – is worth a lot in itself. More precisely, on the pages of the “Times” newspaper Lucas spoke about an attack not on him personally, but on his mobile phone.

“As Theresa May stood up in the House of Commons last week to berate Russia for the nerve agent attack in Salisbury, my mobile phone stopped working,” said Lucas, beginning his column. It turns out that a certain malefactor told the mobile operator of the Kremlinologist that his phone had been stolen, so the operator immediately blocked his number. As you understand, anything could’ve been the cause: someone, in their excitement, dialled an incorrect number, and the employee of the mobile operator pressed the wrong button, quickly reacting to the call. In the end, a certain acquaintance of the author of the column decided to spite him.

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The latest narrative looks quite probable, after all, Lucas afforded himself a quite comparable “hoax”. So, the Kremlimologist admitted in his book “Cyberphobia” that at the time he cooked up a fake mailbox allegedly of the Embassy of Russia in London and sent fake messages from it to acquaintances on behalf of the Russian diplomatic mission with the corresponding logo (one can only imagine what noise would be made in the West if any Russian journalist forged a document of some state agency of Britain). If this Mister affords himself such a hoax, then why not to assume that someone decided to respond to him tit-for-tat?

But, of course, the first narrative that arose at the moment when Lucas learned about the reason for the shutdown of its phone was connected to the Russians: “it was a Russian attempt to keep me off the airwaves on a big news day”.

I.e., once again. On the day when all the world’s media trumpeted about Theresa May’s speech and the report of the British police concerning two “Russian assassins”, Edward Lucas’ comments would’ve become simply lethal for Russia. But it was succeeded to “keep him off the airwaves” for several hours — and the effect is not the same.

It is possible to think that Lucas’ joke flopped. However, he is quite serious. According to him, a few years ago a similar assumption would’ve looked “absurd and paranoid”, but now everything changed, and now in Britain everyone has understood just how artful Russia is.

And he gives as an example a story on the pages of a once reputable newspaper that the day prior became the main sensation in the yellow press of Britain. The “Mail on Sunday” newspaper published an article under the headline “Putin’s Red October submarines in UK waters are UNDETECTABLE. It appears that Russian invisible submarines (let’s forget for a moment that “Red October” is an invention of a science fiction writer) entered into the territorial waters of Britain near Scotland and the English Channel, but radar-tracking systems aren’t able to reveal them.

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Let’s agree, it’s a brilliant formulation. What are you talking about? What proof? After all, it was written for you in black and white and even stressed in the title: It is UNDETECTABLE.

But the most important thing is yet to come.

On the basis of these incontestable rumours and artful shutting down of his phone, the author calls to increase budgetary expenses and to create a certain united body coordinating various state departments, which are tirelessly combating the aggression of Russia.

It could be possible to laugh at the modern-day Forrestal if the threats made towards Russia based on rumours didn’t sound from the lips of high-ranking government officials of Britain. The other day the director of GCHQ with the characteristic surname Fleming declared London’s plans to “avenge” the Russian governmental institutions and related persons for Salisbury.

It is only left to guess what fearful vengeance the British secret services prepare for us. Perhaps they will shutdown some Russian official’s phone.

If they will be able to do this, of course.

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